Reflections from October 22nd, 2023

Today, I am sitting in the most beautiful place in the center of Israel. The only thing to remind me we are in trouble are the sounds of the fighter jets and the faces of my friends. If it is granted, I will be flying home in 2 days. It is so hard to leave.

Every time I say goodbye to someone, I weep. Will I see you again, my friend? This is the reality in every moment, but in this moment, there is nothing to distract me from the illusion that this is not so. Will I see you again? Will I see you again? I have had two days of “rest,” and still, I am exhausted. So much to hold, so much to hear, so much to feel. For me, there have been no techniques to know, nothing to fix, just pure presence and humanity, as I imagine has been the way for so many thousands of years.

Yes, I will sit with you; yes, I will feel your despair; yes, I will hold your helplessness; yes, I will be with you in your fear; yes, I will hear your rage; yes, I will let you lay your head in my lap; yes, I will cry with you; yes, I will not pretend to know more than you in this moment; yes, I will let my heart break with yours; yes, I will listen to all perspectives and give them a place to be spoken. Yes, I will stay right here right now. And yes, maybe we can even dance!

Last night, I sat with Nitsan and Sylvie and Naty (Nitsan’s partner) in this beautiful place that someone gave us so that I could be close to the Arab village I will now be working in. A Palestinian, a left leaning Jew, a right leaning Jew, and an American. The conversation was heated and loud and beautiful. Because there was no fear to speak. Naty had suggested we get some food from the local shop, and we had eaten together and shared and laughed and cried.

When Sylvie was leaving, I told her and Naty to stand together because they love and respect each other - and I took a picture of them laughing. How do we learn to disagree and stay connected? I think it involves the human heart; I KNOW it involves the human heart and the human mind. And I know that we must listen to each other. Just the space for perspectives to be spoken without attack.

One night, we were on the roof of a building, and I spoke to a woman who said, I have always worked for peace, and now I feel murderous rage. I want to kill any Palestinian I see. I smiled and received her and told her she needed to come to the workshop the next day even though we were full. I told her there would be room for her and all her feelings. We broke in small groups, and I saw people helping her express her rage, and within 2 minutes, she was sobbing. And she cried for the rest of the day. Yes, I told her, your heart is broken; feel it.

I am inspired by these humans, so many that I know- who each tell a different perspective on the situation.

I am putting something in here that I wrote to one of the groups: I do believe that this work we do is so important. When we feel what is ours to feel, we will not pass it on. We will see more clearly; we will be able to listen to different voices- we will be able to make choices from a place that is not in reaction. We will bring our constructive goodness to life. We will LEARN from each other.

We have passed the time (from my perspective) when a leader can show us the way. We must find a new way- walking together into unchartered territory. This means we will spend time in the unknown. But that is exactly where creation lives.

PLEASE! Let’s create something new. It will take stretching, and discomfort and fear, and so much wandering together sometimes in the dark, but I know we can do it. We were born to do it.

Thank you for each and every message I received after the last blast, there were too many to respond personally to, but you can’t imagine how meaningful it was to me to receive them. They gave me strength and courage to keep going.

Toda and Shukran.

I love you all so much and hope to see each of you again one day.

Ann